The Real Deal

Only 179 more days to go! Ha….

Today was a very different day than yesterday…already. It started with me not getting out of bed until 15 minutes after my alarm went off, which didn’t give me as much time this morning to do yoga and ease into being conscious. My wisdom teeth, which I’m getting removed tomorrow, thus putting school on a two-day hiatus, were throbbing, and making me cranky. The kids were still passed out in their beds, and I had no inclination to wake them, even though I probably should have. I popped a few ibuprofen, chugged some water, and then went back to my room to snuggle with my Mergs. School could wait.

But suddenly, like magic (maybe voodoo magic), the kids were up and quite awake. I begrudgingly made my way out of bed and downstairs to make breakfast. Thankfully they ate without any complaint or without needing 60 million reminders. Again, small victories like yesterday.

By the time I’d eaten and had half my coffee, the ibuprofen were in my bloodstream, along with the caffeine, and I was ready to go. The kids seemed to be enthusiastic again, which bolstered my mood. Off we went.

Today we bid adieu to summer vacation and welcomed the school year into our life. We worked on what I thought were simple draw and write activities. Each kiddo was to think about what they liked best about summer vacation and then what they were most looking forward to this school year, and draw a picture of it. Below it, they were to write what the picture was showing. Easy enough, right? Eh, not exactly.

Choosing their favorite thing they did this summer was no problem. Both kids knew right away what they wanted to draw, and set to it very quickly. I was feeling dangerously optimistic that this homeschooling thing was going to be a piece of cake. I sat back on our picture window frame, sipped my coffee, and watched them working. Sitting while teaching? Yeah, that didn’t occur that often before. I was taking advantage of this for sure!

I imagined I was Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, swinging joyously through the field. The sun was warm, but not stank hot. My coffee was delicious. I was still in pajamas. And my kids were working without fighting, and doing cool stuff. Heaven!

Having been a mom now for almost a decade, I really should have known better, but I can’t help hoping against all odds sometimes. Today was a bet I lost, and yet still somehow won.

You see, my children are very different people. Lily, though shy and introverted sometimes, knows she is quick and clever. She doesn’t often doubt her intelligence or abilities. She’s able to take her giftedness for granted.

Ollie is incredibly sensitive and anxious. He’s just as bright and capable as his sister, but he lacks her confidence. He needs a lot more reassurance that he’s on to something. And when he feels lost or confused, he immediately starts shutting down. And that’s what happened today.

When we began talking about what they are most looking forward to this school year, Lily gave an idea  first. And it just so happened to be the idea Ollie was going to say. We talked about how exciting that project will be in the spring (hatching chicks). And when we were done, I asked Ollie to think of something else we would do. He said, “I don’t know.” Oh, how I hate that phrase. I’d heard it so much as a teacher, and usually it was because a student wanted me to leave them alone. I’d thought it was a cop out for so long. And hearing it from Ollie gave me a twinge of irritation.

Of course I’m a master actress–you have to be as a teacher–so I didn’t show it to him. I simply asked more prompting questions, thinking they’d be helpful. But it seemed that the more questions I asked, the more frazzled he became. And finally he began to cry. Well now I really felt like a jerk. So I told him to take a little break and play with his tsum tsum for a few minutes to calm down. Honestly, I needed a minute for myself as well. So often I wasn’t given any time to calm down or refocus when I was teaching in public school, and I admit that some situations escalated because of that. I didn’t want to make the same mistake with Ollie. Especially on Day 2 of our schooling when I know the first week is the time to set the tone for the year, and I didn’t want to set a bad tone for him.

After we both had a minute, I went over to the couch, and gave him a snuggle. I rubbed his back, kissed his little forehead, and reminded him to take big, deep, calming breaths. And after I knew he’d calmed a bit, I asked him to use his words to tell me what he was thinking and feeling. He just continued to shrug his shoulders and say, “I just don’t know the answer.”

I thought for a second, and then asked him to come out to the playroom with me. We sat on the floor. Well, I sat, and he climbed onto my back, and wrapped his arms around my neck. And I asked him to show me toys we use to build things with. He did. Then I told him we would be using them in math class. He swiveled around to face me, and gave me a look like, “Seriously?”. Then I asked him what we talked about doing for gym class. He started rattling off ideas: ride bikes, play outside, go on nature walks, play tag, yoga, Just Dance. Then I asked him what we do before bedtime, and he pointed at our bookshelf. I told him we would be reading every day, and that we would begin working on helping him read more on his own.

After each answer he gave that I told him was a great answer, he became more and more sure of himself to the point that he was no longer crying, but smiling again, and acting like the normal goofy Bubba he usually is.

I took this opportunity to go back to his draw and write at the dining room table. He was reluctant to leave the Legos he’d been tinkering with as we talked, so I told him to bring them with him. He raised his one eyebrow like, “Am I dreaming?” because he knows toys don’t come to the dinner table. I repeated that yes, he could bring it with him, and he jumped up full smile and ran back to the table.

When he got back to his work, he was able to quite quickly think of an idea: learning more about his favorite animal: bats. Easy peasy.

After they were both finished with that activity, we moved on to the final activity of today, which was self-portraits. I drew their silhouettes, and they filled them in with pictures of things that represent them. When he and I brainstormed a list of things he likes, he was much more confident about his answers, so much so that I could barely keep up writing them all down. I metaphorically sighed a deep sigh of relief. We were going to be ok.

And it was after school was over, when I had a moment to myself to reflect on how things went that I became incredibly grateful that today was exactly as it was. Even though it didn’t go as planned. In fact, it went better than planned.

I was able to get a real sense of my kids’ learning styles. This will help me to better prepare lessons in the future. Lessons that play to their strengths and help mitigate their weaknesses. And if Ollie needs to be tinkering with Legos while thinking or Lily needs to be doodling while I’m explaining something, then so be it. That’s fine with me so long as they’re still listening.

I was grateful that in a situation where one of my kids was feeling lost, struggling with schoolwork, we were able to get through it in our own way. We had the freedom to snuggle on the couch. He could climb all over me like a monkey and not get in trouble. In fact, we needn’t even do the work sitting down.

Both kids got to see that struggling is ok in our school. That I wouldn’t give up on them or yell at them. That we would get through it together, and we’d all be better for it on the other side.

And this is exactly the reason why I felt it would be best to homeschool my kids. The freedom and flexibility to make their learning as positive and as meaningful for them as possible. This situation would have, could have never been the same  in public school. And I don’t necessarily fault the system. It is what it is. A teacher has so many kids, they can’t cater to just one. But I can. And this is where my kids will come out so much better for it.

Every bump in our road will actually be a blessing because it will lead us to a better understanding of ourselves and each other. I feel very fortunate for this opportunity.

JM

Quote of the day: “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” –Dr. Seuss

Affirmation of the week: I am exactly where I need to be. 

Self-portraits

Best thing of summer

Looking forward to in school